Archive for April, 2008


I’m very worried.  I think my attempt to explain Frankie is impossible. She doesn’t want to commit and he does, but that’s the simplest version of events. He thought she was unique, and I have done something potentially disastrous, which is convince him that not only is Frankie doing something that many women do to people they don’t respect or trust (as he obviously respects her), but that it’s almost impossible for him to come back from.

Hm, that’s not quite the situation. You see…it’s like telling a girl that the guy won’t buy the cow because he’s been getting the milk for free and he’ll keep getting milk somewhere it doesn’t matter which cow.  I’ve convinced him (accidentally, somewhere in the confusing explanations) that Frankie is using him (she could be, it might not necessarily be so), that not putting out meant that she didn’t fear losing him, and that not fearing losing him meant that someone else could play the role he’s playing for her. He is just a role.

Okay I don’t know any of that for a hundred percent truth. I just know that her actions mimic mine EXACTLY when such is the case for me. And I do think that he laid too much on the line–and it will cost him if he doesn’t start owning the situation SOON. But owning the situation requires him to be a little cockier, a little less the sweet-hearted guy who wants the whole nine yards with a woman he admires.  It’s a sad thing to see die or be hidden–I hope it’s just that he’s hiding that side, not that he’s getting rid of it. I can’t hide shit, I have to actually divorce myself from emotions to get rid of the giveaway face. But the truth is that Frankie is dependant on him now, even if she’s not really taking care of him like she could–that’s her business. Maybe she needed to treat him that way to get his attention initially.  Maybe that was her plan and she feels the same way and now I’ve started him on the path to ruining the relationship with a player mentality.

Personally, from the safety of a boyfriend’s wings, I think Pete’s a savior figure. An angelic figure, even. Everyone trusts him implicitly. I’m not prey–there’s no reason for him to play games with me, so it’s quite a view. All clear and unobstructed with the clutter of a man-woman thing beyond the very very basic. He’s quite simply a gorgeous person, on the inside.

His son prolly hates me right now for the way it looked. RePete doesn’t know me, and my persona at Waffle when there’s a full crowd on can be both scattered and terrifying.  Added to the fact that RePete wants to be with Regan, and has the misfortune of being a guy. I would feel sad except I think it’s probably a good thing. Someone in that group needs to despise me. It’ll keep me more even-keeled than I have been. I come home reeling drunk from all the attention given and exhausted and jazzed by the adoration I put out and accept.

And I suppose what I’m truly worried about isn’t just that Pete’s romance won’t work out because of my advice–that’s really up to him, and I think he knows it–what I’m worried about is that I always say EXACTLY the perfect thing to divide a person from their emotions and put things into a perspective of divorced emotions.  Does that make sense? I always say the perfect thing to push a person away from another.  So don’t ask me for advice if you want things to deepen or progress–all I know is how to give you your head back and gain control.


Maybe I don’t know anything.


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